TMI alert; the following sentence probably isn’t for the squeamish…

I had a bit of a scare yesterday evening, as for the first time since I left hospital, I had some diarrhoea, blood and mucus in my bowel movement, which wobbled me a little.

I’d felt not-good in the morning – Barney came over to try to get the camper an started, and as I was talking with him, I realised I was feeling cloudy and a little nauseous, and my body felt very heavy. I had more energy a little later on, and went into work to help with a quote, and stayed in the office to install a new NAS drive. So I was in work for about four hours, which is way longer than the odd-hour-or-so I’ve popped in for since returning home from hospital.

When I got back home, I had no energy at all; I felt like I was walking in water, which I haven’t felt for a few days, so I made sure I had a very relaxing evening, but still, there was the blood in the evening.

I think it mainly wobbled me because I was under the impression that although I don’t want to be on this nasty Prednisalone stuff, at least while I am, I felt that it was stopping any inflammation and blood. I guess that’s not the case.

In some ways, this is a good thing; it means that the warning lights on my body dashboard aren’t all disconnected – as I’d assumed they were – which means I do have some inner gauge to see how I’m doing with my healing.

On the other hand, this shows me that something’s not right with what I’m doing at the moment.

I had a think about my behaviour and activities over the last few days, and came up with a list of possible candidates for the set-back:

1. I may well have overdone the work – for me, installing the NAS drive is a bit of fun, but there were a couple of challenges which meant I had to switch my brain on fully, so that may have put some pressure on my system.
2. I was three days into the Chinese Medicine; the first two days, I took half the dose; the second day, I had diarrhoea too, but had put it down to accidentally eating a gluten-free wrap that had some non-low-residue-diet ingredients in it – my first digression from that diet. Simon Jones had warned me to look out for any kind of stomach upset or similar, once I start taking the medicine; its powerful stuff, and so he had advised me to split the dosage into 4 x 2.5g doses throughout the day, instead of the prescribed 2x 5g doses. That warning was why I eased into the full dosage, as I was reluctant to knock my system in any way.
3. I was a few days into the Ayurvedic medicine. I mention this for completeness, but don’t feel that it’s a candidate for blame in this case.
4. Although being advised to eat small meals, more often, I’ve been very hungry these last few days; I think my body is very keen to have a normal weight again; malnutrition doesn’t sit well with anybody’s body, and with my high metabolism anyway, I seem to be constantly craving sustinence, even if my stomach is full. So, I’ve been eating, I think, larger-than-I-should portion sizes. Also, Dr Athique – the Ayurvedic Doctor – recommended that I leave three to four hours between meals. Over the last few days, with my constant cravings, I seem to have reduced that to one to two hours between meals, even if it’s not a full meal, but a shake or something. I might be putting more pressure on my bowel than it can handle right now. I’m also embarrassed to admit that my cravings got so bad a couple of times in the last few days, I’ve eaten the odd small portion of cake. Yes, I said it, cake. Evil refined sugar, despite all the warnings against it. I need to get my self control under control!
5. Raw Cacao. I love that stuff, and have been putting it in the occaisional shake, as well as finally learning to make my own version of Kavi and Amoda’s Divine Chocolate, which I’ve been consuming with great enthusiasm over the last few days. Now, it’s a superfood; it’s not bad for me, but it does trigger certain chemicals in my brain that make me more energetic, and – possibly – more wired. I wonder if my Cacao consumption over the last couple of days has knocked my Vata further out of balance.
6. Dairy. This is a tricky one; according to SCD, and my nutritional therapist, it’s a no-no, as it can often cause inflammation if you’re intolerant to it. According to Jini Patel Thompson and my Chinese Medicine and Ayurvedic practitioners  I should reduce my intake, but a little is ok. I’ve been having maybe a cup of goat’s milk a day, and the odd slice of unpasteurised/raw cheese – both cow’s and goats. I’ve also been having a Whey protein shake each day. I don’t know what I’m intolerant to until I get my lab tests done, which I can’t do until I’m off to steroids (the steroids neutralise any reaction my body has to a food type, so the intolerance can’t be measured). So it’s a possible candidate.

So I lay in bed last night, pondering these things.

In ‘Listen To Your Gut’, Jini Patel Thompson repeatedly encourages us to, well, listen to our guts. That inner intelligence, that inner compass, which is the only real guide we can trust.

As I’ve read, and been told now by so many experienced and learned friends and experts in this field, this particular collection of symptoms that we can Crohn’s is different for everybody. Everybody, therefore, has to treat it in the way that works for them; there isn’t a cookie-cutter cure that works for everybody. So all I can do is listen, and feel, and trust my intuition indisches viagra.

And as I lay in bed last night, I remembered this, and asked my body about each of the things in the list, and for the first time, got a really clear feeling about each thing.

So this is what Dr Intuition says.

1. I did overdo it at work. Although I wasn’t feeling right even before I went in, on reflection, it wiped me out. I’m not as strong or as ready as I think I am, and so need to take this back-to-life thing much more slowly. Healing, rest, and recovery first, jobs later.
2. I do think that this was a reaction to the Chinese Medicine. I’m not sure my system is able to cope with it yet. I’ll phone Simon this morning and will get his opinion.
3. My body seems to love the Ayurvedic medicine; it feels good to have it, and so I’ll continue with that as normal and keep monitoring my health.
4. I need to manage my meals and deal with my cravings. If the stomach is full, I can feel it, and should stop, no matter what my taste buds are telling me. Smaller meals, further apart. I think I’ll also make the majority of those meals over the next few days a combination of easy-to-digest shakes, broth, and soups, with maybe a heavier (but still small-portioned) meal at lunchtime to keep the Vata in balance. No more refined sugar.
5. I’ll lay off the Cacao for a week or so, and will have more of the Ghee drinks that I’ve been recommended to keep myself grounded, and the Vata in check. He cacao may not be doing me any harm, bu5 intuition tells me to not consume anything that can knock the Vata at the moment.
6. I don’t feel that I have a dairy intolerance – I went into remission from my first flare-up four years ago while having one or two Whey protein shakes a day, and I also don’t feel any reaction internally when I have any dairy. But, I don’t really need it, so will stay off it for a week, and will see how I feel.
7. I need to devote proper time all aspects of the healing process, not just the diet and rest. Meditation, short walks, gentle Yoga, Tai Chi – when the body is strong enough – must be a daily part of my life. I need to stay balanced, grounded and in my body (and not so much in my head); this is essential.

As I was pondering these things, Jeannie was in bed next to me, watching a fantastic Tedx talk by Lissa Rankin, called ‘The Shocking a Truth about your health’. Watch it here, I really recommend it.

Right at the end of the talk, she said this, which was so in line with what I have been feeling, it made me do a double-take:

When we let our true self be seen, when we let our inner pilot light radiate, we heal from the inside out, and it’s more powerful than anything medicine can give you from the outside.

So I challenge you to write the prescription for yourself; no doctor can do this for you. We can give you drugs, we can give you surgery, and sometimes you need that; that’s the jump-start for the self-healing process.

But to heal to the core, so that you don’t develop new symptoms, so you don’t need another surgery, you’ve got to write your own prescription.
So I ask you, what is it that you need? What does your body need to get healthy? What is it that you need to change? What needs to be tweaked in your life?

If you knew that stripping off your mask and letting us see that beautiful light within you was the solution to your health problems, would you be willing to do it?

I dare you. It might just make your body ripe for miracles.

 

Words to live by throughout this journey, I feel. We’ll see how this intuition-prescription method serves the process over the next few months.

I feel grateful for yesterday’s warning light. It was a call to action; a reminder to stay focussed on the healing; a reminder that although I know in my heart  that I can heal naturally and drug-free, I have to commit completely to the cause. I can’t half-heal.

I need to give my all to this journey. I think I’m ready to do that now.

Update

I spoke with Simon – the Chinese medicine practitioner – about this, and he said that the looser stools and blood was nothing to worry about, and I got the impression that this is quite common. The body has clearing to do, and stuff to eliminate and get rid of, so this kind of ‘die-off’ is ok. I feel a bit silly about my level of concern now, but, well, I’m new to this, and was feeling vulnerable.

On the bright side, I think that the reflection that it caused, and the additional determination etc that it brought out in me was perfect, and so it was just right.

I re-started the Chinese medicine the following week, and did a week on half the dose, and have just moved up to the full dose. I think my body’s happier with it this time; I’m just that little bit stronger and further down the healing path.  A tiny bit of blood, some looser stools, but I’m not worried, just happy that my body is clearing out.

It’s all good.